Gadgetzan Times/Ask Auntie Fizzle
This article is a copy of "Ask Auntie Fizzle", an official article by Blizzard Entertainment located in the "Gadgetzan Times" of the old website.
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Ask Auntie Fizzle
Auntie Fizzle Goblinseer is a venerable goblin writing for The Gadgetzan Times. With her broad life experiences, she now answers all your questions about life, the universe and everything.
Dear Auntie Fizzle,
I have a husband who is a paladin, and he is very sweet, but he always keeps talking about the Light. At the dinner table, at work, at home, in the garden... everywhere! He has even started shouting about it when we are in bed! Recently, he has also started claiming that he does other things in the name of the Light, not just vanquishing evil. For instance, when he ate our sons birthday cake he claimed that he had done it 'For The Light!', and when he neglects to take out the trash he leaves it just inside the door 'for The Light!' Please, Auntie Fizzle, what should I do?
Mrs. Janice Lightbringer of Stormwind
Greetings Janice,
Devotion to a cause is always a worthy thing, but just sometimes it can go too far. Evidently you have tried talking to your husband about this problem. If that doesn't work, then I suggest you talk to a few warlocks and develop a healthy interest in the ways of Shadow. Then whenever you don't feel the desire to cook dinner, you can always declare it as being 'For the Darkness'. He'll soon get the idea.
Dear Auntie Fizzle,
Many years ago, I was married to a lovely woman and we lived happily in Stratholme. But when the Scourge came, we were separated and she was killed. I have since married again and am very happy. But recently I have learnt that my former wife has now risen as an Undead and is living in the Undercity of Lordaeron. I have also learned that she still loves me and considers me to be her husband. What should I do?
Gerald Crowe of Goldshire
Greetings Gerald,
A healthy spray of air freshener tends to keep those pesky Undead away. If that doesn't work, just buy her a pink dress. No self-respecting Undead would be seen… dead… in pink.
Dear Auntie Fizzle,
I recently placed a wanted poster in Orgrimmar for the head of the false warchief Rend Blackhand. Now all these people keep turning up to claim the bounty, all carrying heads. I wouldn't mind so much, but the smell of all those heads is terrible. What should I do?
Valkasha of Orgrimmar
Greetings Valkasha,
A surplus of heads can be turned to good usage. Have you considered making a sculpture out of them? Or perhaps you can give them to the orc orphans to play football with. You could always turn them in for bounty rewards yourself. Or make a museum. They do say that skulls are an orc girl's best friend.
Dear Auntie Fizzle,
I maintain a small farm in the Tirisfal Glades. Whilst I am constantly fighting off these Undead who want to steal my pumpkins, I have found a new problem. Murlocs! The murlocs keep coming out of the sea, running all over my fields and stealing my seeds. What can I do?
Greetings Farmer Jack,
A murloc invasion is a terrible thing. Even I sometimes lie awake at night hearing that gargling sound. However, perhaps you can turn the situation to good fortune. Have you considered hiring the local Undead to kill murlocs instead of stealing pumpkins? I am sure you could get away with paying them with rusty weapons or ragged armor. Failing that, just cook some smelly fish stew and leave the windows open. Even murlocs don't like to see their cousins being cooked into a delicious stew.